Parents Universal Resource Experts (Sue Scheff) Avoid the Freak-Out Route

Source: Shoulder to Shoulder



Most parents and teens do battle, and these "power struggles" test everyone's patience. You casually ask your daughter if she is going to wear that shirt, and she retorts, "Don't freak out mom!" What's a parent to do? While these challenges are a normal part of every day life with teens, there are steps to take to avoid (or at least reduce) the "freak out" route.



STAY COOL.If we overreact or lose our cool, we diminish our control with teens and escalate the conflict. Parents show they are in charge by staying calm and dealing with an issue even-handedly. (Yes, it's easier said than done.)



STICK TO THE GROUND RULES.Decide on a few non-negotiable rules. These can be as simple as "no television until homework is finished," or "put dirty clothes in the hamper." When a teen pushes back, don't argue over details or negotiate. Simply say, "Sorry, that is against the family rules." Teens will try and outwit us or start an argument. Don't over-explain, and don't renegotiate. Just remind them of the rule.



IGNORE THE "SMALL STUFF."Many conflicts are not worth your time and energy. Does it really matter if their bedroom is clean for a sleepover? Would it be the end of the world if they play one more CD? Probably not. The key to successful parenting is to know which battles are worth tackling. Concentrate only on those issues that genuinely need your attention to protect your teen's well-being.



KNOW WHEN TO LET IT GO.Conflict carries different meanings and feelings for parents and teens. When teens blow up about something we feel is "insignificant," teens tend to forget about the issue soon afterwards. For us, the tension can linger and make us more upset. Sometimes, we just have to let it go. Learn to ignore the "attitude," the flip remark or the threat of disobedience from your teen.




Read the entire article: http://www.education.com/reference/article/Ref_Avoid_Freak_out/

Sue Scheff: Live On Purpose Radio

From: Dr. Paul Jenkins

Hello Parents!

Thanks to all of you who were on our call today. We had Sue Scheff on as our guest, who shared some remarkable resources and her personal story about dealing with her out-of-control teen daughter. You just may want to save a copy of today’s call for future reference, or to share with people you know who might be dealing with this right now. Our association with each other is one of our greatest resources – thank you for being part of this community of parents!

Visit http://www.parentalpower.wordpress.com/ to pick up the audio content – we are getting close to having this available through iTunes so you can just subscribe and get it automatically. Stay tuned.

http://parentalpower.wordpress.com/2008/06/24/sue-scheff-at-wits-end/
http://parentalpower.files.wordpress.com/2008/06/062408.mp3

Parents Universal Resource Experts (Sue Scheff) Teens with ADD: Making the Transition to Adulthood

By ADDitude Magazine

How to help your teenager with ADD make a smooth transition to an adulthood with greater responsibility.

Welcome to adulthood! Late adolescence and early adulthood are exciting times, bringing tremendous change and personal growth. From choices about higher education to decisions about a career and family, there is so much ahead that it may seem overwhelming. Take heart - every adult has faced these same decisions and met the same challenges. You'll do fine.

As a young teen with attention deficit disorder (ADD ADHD), however, be aware that you have some additional responsibilities and concerns to shoulder. As someone who has been there, let me outline six points to consider, and offer some advice and inspiration, as you enter the next phase of your life.

Read entire article here: http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/839.html

Sue Scheff: ADHD Medication at School

By ADDitude Magazine

Guidelines to follow if your child needs a dose of ADHD medication during the school day.

If your child takes medication for attention deficit disorder (ADD ADHD), make sure it's administered on schedule and that it's working as intended. Along with the doctor, the classroom teacher and school nurse can be valuable allies in this effort. Include the following steps in your medication plan.

Make sure your child's symptoms are "covered" whenever necessary.Consider the possibility that he may need coverage beyond school hours—so that he can complete homework assignments and enjoy after-school activities and social relationships.Remember that the duration listed on a medication's package materials is only an approximation. A four-hour tablet might control symptoms for as few as three hours—or as many as five. A 12-hour form might last only 10 hours.

Read entire article here: http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/1035.html

Sue Scheff: Importance of Friends and Today's Kids

By Connect with Kids

“There’s some research to indicate that one of the best indicators of how well adjusted we will be as adults is not based on IQ or grades in school, but the degree to which the child has good friendships.”

– Nick Long, Ph.D., Adolescent Psychologist

Parents worry about how much kids learn and how fast, but a child’s biggest worry is most likely something else: friends.

“Cause if anything is going on in school I always know that I can talk to Molly and she’ll understand,” says Meredith Albin.

The kids have got it right- learning the language of friendship is one of the most important lessons of childhood.

“There’s some research to indicate that one of the best indicators of how well adjusted we will be as adults is not based on IQ or grades in school, but the degree to which the child has good friendships,” says Dr. Nick Long, adolescent psychologist.

It’s not popularity, but learning to make friends that counts.

“I think that most people in this school want to have friends but they don’t know how to do it right,” says 11-year-old Johnathon.

By school age, a child needs at least one close friend, experts say.

“And if that child doesn’t have one close friend, it’s important for parents to try to set up situations for them to meet other children who might have similar interests to try to develop those relationships,” advises Long.

Psychologist Dr. Garry McGiboney adds, “It may take a while, but most of the time kids will enjoy that interaction with other kids.”

Kids without friends are at risk for lots of problems ranging from poor grades to depression, bullying, and drug abuse.

Experts say don’t underestimate the harm of isolation.

Fourteen-year-old Erica can tell you why: “Sometimes when you feel isolated and you feel like you should just be off this world. Just die.”

Tips for Parents

The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry says when teenagers begin to feel isolated and stressed out, it can lead to anxiety, withdrawal, aggression, physical illness and drug or alcohol abuse.

Why is a feeling of isolation so potentially dangerous? The AACAP says when we perceive a situation as difficult or painful, changes occur in our minds and bodies to prepare us to respond to danger. This response – what the AACAP calls the “fight, flight or freeze” response – includes a faster heart and breathing rate, cold or clammy hands and feet, an upset stomach and/or a sense of dread.

The AACAP says parents can do the following things to help their teens remain healthy:

• Monitor whether or not stress is affecting their health, behavior, thoughts or feelings.
  
  
• Listen carefully to teens, and watch for “overloading.”
  
  
• Learn and model stress-management skills.
  
  
• Support involvement in sports and pro-social activities.

If teens show signs of being overly stressed, it may be best to see a child and adolescent psychiatrist or qualified mental health professional. The following are signs that professional help may be needed:

• Disorientation and memory gaps
  
  
• Severe depression and withdrawal
  
  
• Substance abuse
  
  
• Inability to take care of basic needs (eating, drinking, bathing)
  
  
• Hallucinations
  
  
• Fear of harming self or others
  
  
• Inability to make simple decisions
  
  
• Excessive preoccupation with one thought

The Center for the Study and Prevention of Violence (CSPV) says that, despite the tragedy at Columbine and other recent events, schools shootings are still relatively rare. The center points out that school-related deaths since 1992 represent only about 1% of all youth killed with guns during that time period. The National School Safety Center says the odds of a child dying at school remain one in 2 million.

In addition, a study by researchers at the University of Maryland found schools that rely on “secure building” measures, such as cameras and metal detectors, show higher rates of reported victimization than schools that create an atmosphere of nonviolence. They found that clearly defined rules and consequences can be more effective in creating an atmosphere of safety than metal detectors and cameras. Students in schools where rules are emphasized and the consequences of breaking the rules are known to all reported less victimization and disorder.

The CSPV recommends that schools include these steps in their safe school plan:

• Create a climate of ownership and school pride.
  
  
• Enhance multicultural understanding.
  
  
• Be sure that all students have knowledge of school rules and consequences for breaking the rules.
  
  
• Add “hard looks” and “stare downs” as actionable offenses to the student code of conduct.
  
  
• Place students and parents on notice.
  
  
• Provide adequate adult supervision.
  
  
• Develop and enforce a school dress code.
  
  
• Provide teacher training in behavior management.
  
  
• Implement peer counseling and peer mediation programs.
  
  
• Create a student advisory council.
  
  
• Incorporate a life skills curriculum.
  
  
• Develop a student crime prevention program.

References

• The University of Virginia
  
  
• The Center on Juvenile and Criminal Justice
  
  
• The Center for the Study and Prevention of Violence
  
  
• American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry

Sue Scheff - Parenting on MomTalkRadio

Visit www.momtalkradio.com with Parenting Expert, Maria Bailey. I was privileged to be a guest on her show talking about my new book "Wit's End!"

Sue Scheff: Standing Up for Your Child's Educational Rights

By ADDitude Magazine

Learn your child’s educational rights to get him the support he needs in the classroom.

In an ideal world, teachers and school administrators would be as eager as parents to see that children with ADD get what they need to succeed in school. Unfortunately, teachers are pressed for time as never before, and school districts are strapped for cash. So it’s up to parents to make sure that their kids get the extra support they need.

“The federal government requires schools to provide special services to kids with ADD and other disabilities, but the school systems themselves bear much of the cost of these services,” says Susan Luger, director of The Children’s Advisory Group in New York City. “Though they’ll never admit it, this gives the schools an incentive to deny these services. The process of obtaining services has become much more legalistic over the past 10 years.”
Click here for the entire article.

Sue Scheff: Gambling Addiction with Kids

By Connect with Kids

“I think if someone had asked me if I had wanted to go out with a beautiful girl or sit at home and play poker, I probably would have said I’d play poker.”

– Daniel Gushue, 22 years old

Daniel was a compulsive gambler.

Over the course of two years he racked up 18 thousand dollars of credit card debt.

“So on a typical night, my gambling at its worst, say here Oct. 25th,” Daniel says looking at his bank statement, “I deposited $50, I deposited another 50, another 50, a 100, another 100, 50, and then 200. So all-in-all that’s 6- $600.”

A survey by the University of Buffalo found that over two percent of teens admit to having a gambling problem. That’s a small number, but that represents 750 thousand teens.

And some are stealing or selling possessions to continue gambling.

Experts blame accessibility.

“So whereas 15-20 years ago you have to get into a car, drive to a casino, might take you an hour or two hours or three hours to get there, now you can just pick up your cell phone and be gambling while you are waiting in the doctor’s office, or while you’re waiting at the bus stop,” explains Dr. Timothy Fong, Addiction Psychiatrist.

That’s why, experts say, parents need to be proactive.

According to psychologist Dr. Larry Rosen that means, “Familiarize yourself with what potential problems your kids might come up against, and sit them down and talk to them.”

Daniel doesn’t play online poker anymore, but he does gamble on sports.

That makes his girlfriend, Carlee Schaper, nervous. “When it comes to watching him online, sports betting and things like that, I don’t like to see him doing that, because I feel like it’s a slippery slope, and, um, it’s possible for him to go back to his old ways.”

“Should I be gambling?” says Daniel, “Probably not. But for the time being I’m in a good place.”

Tips for Parents

The numbers from a University of Buffalo study are staggering. Three-quarters of a million teens have a serious gambling problem. That includes stealing money to gamble, gambling more money then initially planned, or selling possessions to gamble more. Another 11 percent of teens admit to gambling at least twice a week. Evidence shows that individuals who begin gambling at an early age run a much higher lifetime risk of developing a gambling problem.

Some individuals and organizations support teaching poker to adolescents as a real-life means of instructing on critical reasoning, mathematics and probability. They say teaching the probability of winning is the most important aspect of the game and that the mathematics behind the reasoning that will show kids they won’t win in the long run.

The legal gambling age in the United States is 21. Poker sites enable minors to play by clicking a box to verify that they are the legal age and entering a credit card number. Age is verified further only if suspicions are raised.

Some researchers call gambling the fastest-growing teenage addiction. Teens are especially vulnerable to gambling because of the excitement, the risk and their belief that skill is involved. The Arizona Council on Compulsive Gambling and the Connecticut Council on Problem Gambling lists the following warning signs that a teen may be struggling with a gambling problem:

Unexplained need for money: Valuables missing from the home and frequently borrowing money
Withdrawal from the family: Changes in personality, impatience, criticism, sarcasm, increased hostility, irritability, making late-night calls, fewer outside activities, a drop in grades and unaccountable time away from home
Interest in sports teams with no prior allegiance: Watching televised sports excessively, exhibiting an unusual interest in sports reports, viewing multiple games at one time, running up charges to 900 sports phone numbers and showing hostility over the outcome of a game
Gambling paraphernalia: Betting slips, IOUs, lottery tickets, frequent card and dice games at home and the overuse of gambling language, such as “bet,” in conversation
Coming to parents to pay gambling debts
Using lunch or bus money to gamble
Ask yourself the following questions if you suspect your child has a gambling addiction:

Is your child out of the house or confined to a room with a computer for long, unexplained periods of time?
Does your child miss work, school or extra-curricular activities?
Can your child be trusted with money?
Does your child borrow money to gamble with or to pay gambling debts?
Does your child hide his or her money?
Have you noticed a personality change in your child?
Does your child consistently lie to cover up or deny his or her gambling activities?
Compulsive gambling is an illness, progressive in nature. There is no cure, but with help the addiction can be suppressed. Many who gamble live in a dream world to satisfy emotional needs. The gambler dreams of a life filled with friends, new cars, furs, penthouses, yachts, etc. However, a gambler usually will return to win more, so no amount of winning is sufficient to reach these dreams.

The compulsion to gamble can easily lead to self-destructive behavior, especially for teens. If you are concerned that a young person you care about has a gambling problem, encourage him or her to contact a gambling help line in your area or to seek professional help at a gambling treatment facility.

References
American Family Association
Arizona Council on Compulsive Gambling
Connecticut Council on Problem Gambling
National Gambling Impact Study Commission
Student Affairs Administrators in Higher Education
University of Buffalo's Research Institute on Addictions

Sue Scheff: Parenting ADHD Children: Advice from Moms

By ADDitude Magazine

Moms' advice for parenting ADHD children, creating an ADD-friendly household and smoothing out daily rough spots

It’s the stuff attention deficit disorder (ADD ADHD) days are made of: You’re trying to get your daughter to finish her homework, but she insists on doing cartwheels across the living room. Or you’ve already had two big dustups with your son — and it’s only 9 a.m.

Sound familiar? Parents of ADHD children have a lot on their plates. And while doctors, therapists, and ADD coaches can offer helpful guidance, much of the best, most practical advice on parenting ADD children comes from those who have been there, done that. In other words, from other ADHD parents.

For this article, ADDitude asked members of support groups across the country (both live and online) for their tried-and-true parenting skill tips for monitoring behavior problems, disciplining and smoothing out the daily rough spots. Here’s what they said.

Read the entire article here: http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/581.html

Sue Scheff: Summer Reading for Parents and Teens

Summer is here!
Encourage your kids to visit the library, Barnes and Noble, Borders, Books a Million and other literary outlets! Learning can be fun - take time to explore your local library and book stores - there are lots of educational resources for all ages!

Sue Scheff - Podcasts Page is Updated

Visit www.suescheffpodcasts.com for the latest Podcasts including The Rachael Ray Show.

Wit's End! By Sue Scheff Founder of Parents Universal Resource Experts

"Wit's End!" is now available with my daughter's voice finally being heard of her experiences at Carolina Springs Academy. Order today at http://www.witsendbook.com/ and you will receive it shortly. "Wit's End!" will be in all book stores in July, so order the early release today!