Sue Scheff: Is Your Child In Child?

Is Your Child in Trouble?

This article from the American Chronicle by Genae-Valecia Hinesman lists and details several signs that parents should watch out for, as they may indicate problems in your child's life. Many of these signals are also applicable for inhalant abuse, but this is a great article to read for any parent.

1. Erratic Behavior


"As young people carve out their own individuality separate from that of their parents´, and seek an answer to the proverbial question, "Who AM I?" they could clash more frequently with those around them. They may be happy one minute and sullen the next. Even this is normal. However, if your child starts reacting violently, either at home or at school, clearly something is seriously wrong."

2. Loss of Coordination, Glazed Eyes, Slurred Speech

"Without question, only two things can explain these symptoms. The first is that the person in question has suffered a stroke or a seizure. The second is that this person is inebriated. Both situations require immediate action. If your child is intoxicated, your first duty is to keep them from leaving the house until sober, for their own safety and the safety of others.

Once they are coherent, find out what they were taking and where they obtained it. If they were found unconscious, and taken to a hospital, medical testing will be able to provide a toxicology report. Encourage them to seek help, if addicted, and at least undergo counseling to learn how to avoid future dependency. Help in any way you can, but let them know that they must want to help themselves, in order to successfully change for the better."


3. Persistant Sadness and Withdrawel from Others

"Any child showing these signs for more than two weeks without interruption is clearly depressed. A change in eating habits and/or grooming has probably also been noticed. If so, something, or a combination of things, has triggered these changes. Your job is to find out what."

4. Honor Student to Dropout

"If your consistently top-notch student suddenly loses interest in school with grades in two or more classes plummeting, take heed! Straight A´s simply don´t turn into D´s overnight. Sit down with him or her and find out what´s happening in your child´s life.

Whatever it happens to be, let him or her know that you´re willing not only to help, but to listen as well. Refuse to accept "Leave me alone!" or "Nothing!" as acceptable answers. If they won´t talk to you, find another trusted adult with whom they will talk. Seek professional help if they need it."


5. Drastic Social Changes

"Friends and companions can and sometimes should, change a bit by the time your child leaves high school. Nevertheless, if your child´s associates suddenly are vastly different in negative ways from those they used to spend time with, this is usually a very bad sign. It´s even more telling if they now avoid or shun their old friends for no readily apparent reason."

6. Finding Unusual Possessions

"Discovering drugs, whether prescription, over-the-counter, or illegal narcotics that you had no idea that your child was using calls for immediate address. The same can be said for condoms, birth control devices, cigarettes, alcohol, and drug paraphernalia of any kind.

Recently, even glue, industrial products, and cleaning supplies have been used as inhalants (known among teens as "huffing") by kids seeking to get "high"-- often with fatal results. Finding these in your child´s room, pockets, or belongings is just as serious as finding a weapon. More than a red flag, this is a screaming siren!"


7. Legal Troubles

"Finally, if your child has been arrested at least once, this is clear indication that the situation is rapidly careening beyond the scope of your reach. By the time law enforcement becomes involved two or more times, your child has become society´s problem and the courts will soon decide his or her future.

Repeated run-ins with legal authorities can never be overlooked as "just a phase". There may still be hope, but only if drastic measures are taken and your child still cares enough to save himself or herself. Only so many chances are given to legal offenders. Don´t let time run out. Intervene while you still can."


These are all excellent points and can be of help to parents who ask, "is my kid abusing inhalants?" The warning signs are often subtle, but they are there.





http://www.inhalant.org/


http://www.helpyourteens.com/


http://www.witsendbook.com/

Sue Scheff: Reputation Defender Helping Families and more

Michael Fertik, founder of ReputationDefender was on The Cyber Savvy Show with Erika-Marie Geiss last evening. Listen here: You will learn more about protecting yourself and your kids online.

As a client of ReputationDefender, I am extremely pleased with their services and their expanding realm of services such as MyChild, MyPrivacy, MyEdge and more. In today's ever expanding Cyberworld - a few keystrokes can literally destroy a reputation, a college application or even a getting a potential job.

Since I was nearly destroyed on the Internet - and even with an $11.3M jury verdict for damages that was done to me online, I know the value of a service such as ReputationDefender.

Sue Scheff: A Cry for Help - Teens Self Cutting

By Connect with Kids

“For some reason, when I’d get depressed, I would just take a razor and I’d cut little slits in my arm. I don’t know why I did it.”

– Melissa, 19

At thirteen, Melissa Gerjoi tried to kill herself.

“I just wanted to do something, something that would just totally stop everything,” Melissa, now 19, recounts.

She later realized she didn’t want to die; she wanted to get rid of the pain.

“For some reason, when I’d get depressed, I would just take a razor and I’d cut little slits in my arm,” she says. “And I don’t know why I did it, and I don’t know why it was any consolation whatsoever.”

It was after her father died in a car crash that Melissa started cutting herself. It was her way of coping.

“Sometimes kids are engaging in this behavior as a way of converting their intense emotional pain into the more tolerable physical pain,” explains Dr. Leslie Apfelbaum, a child psychologist.

According to a study by the Centers for Disease Control, in the year 2005, nearly half a million people were treated in emergency rooms for self-inflicted wounds. More of them were teenagers than any other age group. Experts say most aren’t trying to die, they’re crying out for help.

“We actually call it suicidal gestures,” says Dr. Apfelbaum. “…a way of asking for help without actually doing something too harmful.”

A change in behavior, as well as long sleeves and baggy clothes to hide scars, are clues your child may be hurting themselves. Professional therapy can help unlock the emotional pain.

Family support and time away at boarding school helped Melissa pull her life back together and stop the vicious cycle of self-inflicted pain.

“I sort of stopped my life and went on and started a new one,” she says. “I mean, I totally turned around and changed into a different person.”

Tips for Parents

Self-Injury May Be Path to Suicide

What exactly constitutes self-injury? According to the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry (AACAP), self-injury is the act of deliberately destroying body tissue – at times to change a way of feeling. Lately it has become a popular among adolescents, and its forms may include the following:

Carving
Scratching
Branding
Marking
Picking and pulling skin and hair
Burning
Cutting
Biting
Head banging
Bruising
Hitting
Excessive tattooing
Excessive body piercing

The AACAP says that teens engage in self-mutilation in order to take risks, to rebel, to reject their parents’ values, to state their individuality or merely to be accepted by their peers. Others, however, may injure themselves out of desperation or anger to seek attention, to show their hopelessness and worthlessness or because they have suicidal thoughts. Some young children may resort to self-injurious acts from time to time but often grow out of it. Children with mental retardation and/or autism may also show these behaviors, which may persist into adulthood. And children who have been abused or abandoned may self-mutilate.

The Self-Harm Alliance cites the following factors that may contribute to a teen’s reasons for self-harming:

Loss of a loved one
Physical abuse, such as domestic violence
Sexual abuse, such as rape or child abuse
Verbal abuse, such as bullying
Childhood neglect from one or both parents
Physical Illness or disability
Loss of freedom
Relationship problems

If your child or adolescent is engaging in self-harm, the AACAP says it is important to talk to your child about respecting and valuing his or her body. You can also help your teen to avoid hurting himself or herself by teaching him or her the following skills:

To accept reality and find ways to make the present moment more tolerable
To identify feelings and talk them out rather than acting on them
To distract himself or herself from feelings of self-harm (counting to 10, waiting 15 minutes, saying “NO!” or “STOP!,” practicing breathing exercises, journaling, drawing, thinking about positive images, using ice and rubber bands, etc.)
To stop, think and evaluate the pros and cons of self-injury
To soothe himself or herself in a positive, non-injurious way
To practice positive stress management
To develop better social skills
You should have your child evaluated by a mental health professional to identify and treat the underlying causes of self-injury. A child and adolescent psychiatrist can also diagnose and treat any serious psychiatric disorders that may accompany your child’s self-injurious behavior.

The most severe cases of self-injury result in suicide. The CDC estimates about 32,000 people commit suicide every year in the United States. It is the third leading cause of death for 15- to 24-year-old. The National Association of School Psychologists cites the following signs indicating that your child’s self-injurious behavior may be escalating to suicide:

Suicide notes: These notes are a very real sign of danger and should be taken seriously.
Threats: Threats may be direct statements (“I want to die” or “I am going to kill myself”) or, unfortunately, indirect comments (“The world would be better without me” and “Nobody will miss me anyway”). Among teens, indirect clues could be offered through joking or through comments in school assignments, particularly creative writing or artwork.

“Masked” depression: Sometimes risk-taking behaviors can include acts of aggression, gunplay and alcohol or substance abuse.

Final arrangements: This behavior may take many forms, such as giving away prized possessions like jewelry, clothing, journals or pictures.

Continued efforts to hurt oneself: Common self-destructive behaviors include running into traffic, jumping from heights and scratching, cutting or marking the body.

Changes in physical habits and appearance: Changes include an inability to sleep or sleeping all of the time, sudden weight gain or loss and disinterest in appearance or hygiene.

If one or more of these signs occurs, talk to your child about your concerns and seek professional help when the concerns persist. With support from family and professional treatment, your child can heal and return to a more healthy path of development.

As a parent, you can help prevent teen suicide in the following ways, according to PROMINA Health System:

Know the warning signs and when to get a professional assessment.

Learn who your child is, how he or she feels and what he or she thinks by being more involved in his or her life.

Improve and enhance adult supervision and socialization and monitor the feelings, thoughts and behaviors of your child.

Emphasize honest communication and sharing.

Emphasize honest cooperation with authority and systems, such as school, church, work or rules at home.

References
American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
National Association of School Psychologists
PROMINA Health System
Self-Harm Alliance

Sue Scheff; Preventing Addiction by John C. Fleming

Drug and Alcohol Prevention Research

A generation ago, with the idea to prevent drug addition for future generations, former first lady Nancy Reagan launched her famous anti-drug campaign with the slogan, "just say no to drugs." Sadly, addiction and drugs still plague our children despite the best efforts of educators and parents. The benefits of drug prevention are real but our approach to prevention has not been successful.

Now, drug and alcohol prevention research is available from Dr. John Fleming in the book Preventing Addiction. In this first-of-its-kind book, Dr. Fleming introduces real ideas to prevent drug use and alcohol consumption in our children based on medical science and on Dr. Fleming's personal experience as a parent of four grown children. He helps to fully explain the phenomenon of addiction and shows parents the best new ways to raise and train children to avoid drug and alcohol addiction.

Read more about preventing addiction and order this book at http://www.johncflemingmd.com/

http://www.helpyourteens.com/
http://www.witsendbook.com/
http://www.suescheff.com/

Sue Scheff: Blogger Posts About Inhalants After Funeral

My Two Pennies of Denver, Colorado blogged about inhalant abuse last week.

She mentions many statistics related to inhalants, and also other dangers that many aren't aware of:


"Besides sudden cardiac arrest (the most common cause of death from inhalants), huffing can kill quickly in a number of other ways. Motor vehicle accidents, falls, and other traumatic injuries are common and horrible. Others die from suffocation, burns, suicide (from the depression that can follow the high), and from choking – on their own vomit.

When huffing doesn’t kill quickly, it damages the body each time–especially the brain. Huffing can cause memory loss, impaired concentration, hearing loss, loss of
coordination, and permanent brain damage. Chronic use can cause permanent heart,
lung, liver, and kidney damage as well."

As a warning to parents, she explains that,


"Most huffing takes place with friends (although kids who sniff correction fluid in class when their teachers turn away are not uncommon). Be observant of your child and his or her friends.

Inhalants gradually leave the body for 2 weeks following huffing–mostly through exhaling. The characteristic odor is the biggest clue. Be on the lookout for breath or clothing that smells like chemicals. Look for clothing stains. Watch for spots or sores around the mouth.

Nausea, lack of appetite, weight loss, nervousness, restlessness, and outbursts of anger can all be signs of inhalant abuse. A drunk, dazed, or glassy-eyed appearance
might mean your child is abusing inhalants right now."

She also pleads with parents to sit down and discuss inhalant abuse with their children early, because,


"Preventing huffing is far better than trying to treat an inhalant addiction. Talking with your child about it is more powerful than anything else (NIDA Research Monograph, 1988;85:8–29).

Start talking with your child about it now. Although huffing peaks between the ages of 12 and 15 years, it often starts “innocently” in children only 6 to 8 years old
(Pediatrics, 1996;97:3).

Literally thousands of easily available substances can be inhaled, so you can’t keep your child away from them. You can, however, educate and inspire."

The author posted this after attending a funeral for a 20-year-old who accidentally died after huffing. She writes,


"The pain it caused his family and friends was enormous and the loss of the one they loved will haunt them forever. This is a real, dangerous problem. Anyone, even a first time user, can die."
www.inhalant.org
www.helpyourteens.com
www.witsendbook.com

Sue Scheff: Article on Teenage Gambling Addiction

More and more parents are contacting us with this latest trend among teens: Teenage Gambling Addition. Read more at http://www.teenage-gambling-addiction.org/

Parents Universal Resource Experts (Sue Scheff) ADHD and Heart Problems

By Connect with Kids http://www.connectwithkids.com/

Approximately 2.5 million American children are on stimulant medication for Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD/ADHD) -- medication that, according to the Food and Drug Administration (FDA), could potentially trigger heart problems. That’s why the American Heart Association has a new recommendation.

Read the entire article here.

Sue Scheff: Deliberate Misuse of Inhaler found in 1/4 of Teens

Parents Universal Resource Experts (Sue Scheff):As a parent advocate, I am learning more and more about inhalant abuse and parents need to be aware of this type of way that kids are getting high today and potentially deadly. Click here and read this article and learn more.

Sue Scheff: Love Our Children USA: Parents Help Stop Bullying and School Violence

Childhood should be a time filled with wonder and joy, but the reality for many kids and teens is often much different. They're the victims of bullying at school or on neighborhood playgrounds.

Kids who are intimidated, threatened, or harmed by bullies often experience low self-esteem and depression, whereas those doing the bullying may go on to engage in more serious antisocial behaviors. Some kids are so traumatized by being bullied, that they contemplate suicide. Bullies often have been the victims of bullying or other mistreatment themselves.

Despite installing metal detectors and surveillance cameras in schools, many students are still fearful of violence because schools are not addressing bullying as a serious issue.

Bullying has become more prevalent than ever and students are scared!

Security measures to combat gun violence have done little to stop the school bully. The reports found that 9 percent of students said they were threatened or injured with a weapon in 2001, a slight increase from two years ago. The report further showed a 3 percent increase in the number of students who reported being bullied.

Bullying is commonly accepted as part of the school tradition. Schools and parents must work together to end this painful and
at times fatal tradition.


Recent Statistics Show:
• 1 out of 4 kids is Bullied.
• 1 out of 5 kids admits to being a bully, or doing some "Bullying."
• 8% of students miss 1 day of class per month for fear of Bullies.
• 43% fear harassment in the bathroom at school.
• 100,000 students carry a gun to school.
• 28% of youths who carry weapons have witnessed violence at home.
• A poll of teens ages 12-17 proved that they think violence increased at their schools.
• 282,000 students are physically attacked in secondary schools each month.
• More youth violence occurs on school grounds as opposed to on the way to school.
• 80% of the time, an argument with a bully will end up in a physical fight.
• 1/3 of students surveyed said they heard another student threaten to kill someone.
• 1 out of 5 teens knows someone who brings a gun to school.
• 2 out of 3 say they know how to make a bomb, or know where to get the information to do it.
• Almost half of all students say they know another student who's capable of murder.
• Playground statistics - Every 7 minutes a child is bullied. Adult intervention -4% Peer intervention - 11%. No intervention - 85%.

Most Recent Bureau of Justice Statistics - School Crime & Safety
• 1/3 of students in grades 9-12 reported that someone sold or offered them an illegal drug on property.
• 46% of males, and 26% of females reported they had been in physical fights.
• Those in the lower grades reported being in twice as many fights as those in the higher grades.

Bullying And What You Can Do About It
Bullying behavior is not always easy to define. Where do you draw the line between good-natured ribbing and bullying? Hostility and aggression directed toward a victim who is physically or emotionally weaker than the bully are more obvious signs of bullying. The result of this behavior is pain and distress for the victim.

Bullying is a form of child abuse and the bully is very likely to grow up as an adult who abuses children.

Types of Bullying
Bullying behavior comes in various forms:

• Physical bullying is perhaps the most obvious form of intimidation and can consist of kicking, hitting, biting, pinching, hair pulling, and making threats. A bully may threaten to punch a child if he doesn't give up his lunch money, for example.

• Verbal bullying often accompanies the physical behavior. This can include name calling, spreading rumors, and persistent teasing.

• Emotional intimidation is closely connected to these two types of bullying. A bully may deliberately exclude a child from a group activity such as a class party.

• Racist bullying can take many forms: making racial slurs, spray painting graffiti, mocking the victim's cultural traditions, and making offensive gestures.

• Sexual bullying is characterized by unwanted physical contact or abusive comments. For example, many girls experience the embarrassment of having their bra strap snapped by a bully.


Why Some Kids Bully
There are many reasons why a child may become a bully. They may turn to this abusive behavior as a way of dealing with being bullied and abused or living in a home where there is domestic violence. And just like their victims, bullies often have low self-esteem. Whatever the cause, bullies usually pick on others as a way of dealing with their own problems. Sometimes they pick on kids because they need a victim, someone who is weaker, to feel more important, powerful, or in control. They're often bigger or stronger than their victims and may use bullying as an attempt to achieve popularity and friends.

Bullies will often target someone who is different than others and focus on that attribute. Wearing glasses, being overweight, or being in a wheelchair are all differences that can be game for a bully's ridicule. A child doesn't have to be physically different from other children to be bullied. Being insecure, or smarter, or slower than their peers can also make some kids the target of bullying. The bully realizes that these children are unlikely to retaliate.


If Your Child Is Being Bullied
Do you suspect that your child is being bullied? Sometimes the effects of bullying aren't as obvious as a black eye. Other signs to look for include the sudden appearance of bruises, missing belongings, or the invention of mysterious illnesses or stomachaches to avoid going to school. Your child may be embarrassed or feel weak by admitting he's the victim of a bully.

To make it easier for your child to talk about it, consider asking some thoughtful questions. For example, you could ask what it's like walking to the bus stop or home from school. Often a child will unexpectedly change routines to avoid a bully. Or you could ask about what happens before or after school or during recess. You might also try asking if there are any bullies in the neighborhood who have threatened to hurt any kids your child knows. This might make it easier for your child to talk about bullies because he won't necessarily have to talk about his own experiences. It might also help your child realize that he's not alone.

If you learn that your child is the victim of a bully, do not overreact. Remember that your child is the victim; you do not want to add to your child's burden with an angry or blaming response. Although it's understandable that hearing your child is being bullied would make you sad or upset, try not to let your child see that - he might interpret your sadness as disappointment in him.

Helping Your Child Stand Up To A Bully
First, listen to your child. Just talking about the problem and knowing that you care can be helpful and comforting. Your child is likely to feel vulnerable, so it's important that you let him know you're on his side and that you love him.

Talk to your child about why some people act like bullies. Remember that your child may feel guilty, that he is somehow to blame. Reassure your child that he did not cause the bullying. Explain that kids who bully are usually confused or unhappy.

How can your child handle a hostile confrontation with a bully? Getting angry or violent won't solve the problem; in fact, it's giving the bully exactly what he wants. And responding with physical aggression can put your child at risk. On the other hand, going along with everything the bully says is not a good way to handle the situation. Your child must regain his sense of dignity and recover his damaged self-esteem - agreeing to be a victim won't accomplish this.

Empower your child to act first. For example, suggest that your child look the bully in the eye and firmly say, "I don't like your teasing and I want you to stop right now." Your child should then walk away and ignore any further taunts from the bully. If your child fears physical harm, he should try to find a teacher or move toward friends who can provide comfort and support.

Because bullies often target socially awkward children, you should encourage your child to develop more friendships. Suggest your child join social organizations, clubs, or teams. Encourage him to invite other kids over after school on a regular basis. Sometimes just being in a group with other kids can keep a child from being victimized.

In most cases, bullying won't require your direct intervention, but if you fear that your child may be seriously harmed, it's important that you step in. That may mean walking to school.

Take action and report it to the school immediately. Working together with your schools to institute conflict resolution programs is essential.It may embarrass your child, but his safety should be your primary concern.


Tell Your Child:

• Coping with bullying can be difficult, but remember, they are not the problem, the bully is! They have a right to feel safe and secure.
• If they are different in some way, be proud of it!
• Stand strong!
• Spend time with your friends - bullies hardly ever pick on people if they're with others in a group.
• They've probably already tried ignoring the bully, telling them to stop and walking away whenever the bullying starts. If someone is bullying them, they should always tell an adult you can trust.

This isn't telling tales.

They have a right to be safe and adults can do things to get the bullying stopped. Even if they think they've solved the problem on their own, tell an adult anyway, in case it happens again. An adult they can trust might be you, a teacher, school principal, someone else from your family, or a friend's parent.

• If they find it difficult to talk about being bullied, they might find it easier to write down what's been happening to them and give it to you or an adult they trust.

What Can Your Child Do If They See Someone Else Being Bullied?
• If they see someone else being bullied they should always try to stop it. If they do nothing, they're saying that bullying is okay with them.

The best way to help is probably to tell an adult. It's always best to treat others the way they would like to be treated.

• Show the bully that they think what they're doing is stupid and mean. Help the person being bullied to tell an adult they can trust.

If Your Child Is A Bully

• Watch for signs of bullying.
• Don't allow your child to control others through verbal threats and physical actions.
• Help your child develop empathy for the problems of the victim (target).
• Apply clear, consistent, escalating consequences for repetitive aggressive behaviors.
• Provide anger management counseling for your child if needed.
• Don't tolerate revengeful attitudes.
• Don't allow your child to have contact with aggressive groups.
• Limit your child's exposure to models of aggressive behavior such as violent television, movies and video games.
• As a parent, be a good role model for constructively solving problems.
• As a parent, be a good role model for getting along with others.
• As a parent, help your child develop a healthy physical image.
• Watch for the emergence of feelings of power and control.
• As a parent, know the whereabouts of your child.
• As a parent, protect your child from physical and emotional abuse at home.

You can help modify a bullying child's behavior by controlling your own aggression, along with the behavior of your children. If an older brother or sister frequently taunts, teases, or bullies your child, it's likely to damage that child's self-esteem and make him more likely to model that aggressive behavior outside the home by attacking other kids.

Parents really need to get more involved in their children's lives. That way they will be more sensitive to problems occurring. Promote honesty. Ask questions. Listen with an open mind and focus on understanding. Allow children to express how they feel, and treat a child's feelings with respect. Set a good example by showing them a healthy temperament. Settle conflicts by talking things out peacefully. Congratulate or reward them when you see them using these positive skills to settle a difference. Teach them to identify "the problem", and focus on the problem, "not" attacking "the person." Tell them conflicts are a way of life, but violence doesn't have to be. And finally, teaching them to take responsibility for their own actions will make for a healthier child, a healthier self-esteem, and there will be no need for any "bullies" or "victims" in the world.

Set limits for your bullying child. Stop any show of aggression immediately and help your child find other, nonviolent ways of reacting to certain situations. Observe your child in one-on-one interactions and remember to praise your child for appropriate behaviors. Positive reinforcement can be very powerful.

Talking to your child's school staff may also help. Tell them your child is trying to change his behavior and ask how they can help. It may be helpful for you and your child to meet with an educational psychologist or other mental health professional.

Finally, set realistic goals for your child. Don't expect him to change immediately. As he learns to modify his behavior, it's important to assure your child that you still love him - it's his behavior that you don't like.


Work With The Schools To Help Stop Bullies and Violence
Many schools already have a way of dealing with bullying. They may:

• Have anti-bullying guidelines and procedures for dealing with incidents
• Encourage anyone who is being bullied, or has witnessed bullying to tell someone about it
• Have ‘bully boxes’ where people can leave notes about what is happening
• Have student meetings or even ‘courts’ where problems like bullying are discussed and dealt with
• Have specially assigned students or teachers who are there to help

If your school has an anti-bullying system, use it to get help. If you’re not sure how it works, talk to a teacher. Some schools ignore bullying. If your school does, don’t be resigned to being a victim. You can still help yourself and ask others to help you.

It's all about talking it out: Child to Child (Peer Mediation), Teacher to Parent (PTO's, PTA's), Teacher to Teacher (in service days), Parent to Child (at home). There should be town meetings involving the parents, students, and entire school faculty to discuss Conflict Resolution. The teachers should also allow the students to give "their" ideas on how they would like situations handled. For younger students, role playing of "victims" and "bullies" in the classroom will help them understand the cause and effect - how it feels. Another idea for younger kids getting picked on could be to have an older student assigned as a type of mentor that he could talk to, and who would step in to settle a conflict or dispute. Groups have also been created where victims and their parents can meet with other victims and discuss solutions. It's comforting to know you're not alone, and friendships can be made there. Many schools admit that the lockers are the most common place that bullying takes place. Teachers could take turns standing by these lockers during class changes.

The schools can also pass out questionnaires, and do surveys or polls to find out what students and parents think about what is happening and what they would like to see done. Some teachers have told me that their schools put up a peace flag outside on days when there is no conflict in the school. This promotes a pride in the school, and teaches them that even one person's actions can have consequences that affect everyone. Other schools are using posters, and having the students wear certain colors on certain days.

A local school in Pennsylvania participated in “Annual Week Without Violence.” One program included, "Hands Around Violence." Students made paper cutouts of their hand prints and wrote nonviolent messages on them, such as: "I will not use my hands or words for hurting." The "Pledge Hands" served as a visual reminder that together they can make a difference.

Other activities included a white out, where students wore as much white as possible to symbolize peace, a unity day, where students wore their school colors, and a smile day, where each student received a smile card and handed that card over to the first person to smile at them.

Another great idea schools are using is to have teachers hold up pictures of kids faces while asking the students, "How does this person feel?" This promotes a discussion aimed at helping kids to identify and describe emotions. And for teens, pictures of conflicts or stressful situations can be used to promote discussion & ideas for resolution.

Let kids know it's OK to talk about problems; that parents and teachers are willing to listen, and eager to help. Also, if your kids/students are "bystanders" to their friends, or other kids being bullied, tell them how important it is for them to help these kids by reporting it. If they are afraid, they can use an anonymous tip, or tell the teachers not to use their name when confronting the bully.

The anonymous tip is only suggested for those victims who fear revenge from the bully in the form of physical abuse for their "snitching." Yes, in many cases the name of the victim will have to be given in order for the conflict to be directly approached. A bully being accused of attacking a "nameless" child might try to talk his way out of it. But if a name is used in relating to a particular incident with a specific child, and if there was proof, or witnesses, it's harder to deny.

Telling is not tattling! When a kid or teen reports bullying they may be saving their own life or the life of a friend.

Getting Help
Helping your child cope with either being a bully or being a victim often requires outside assistance, such as from your child's school or the community. School is the most likely place for bullying to occur, so discuss your concerns with your child's teachers and counselor and ask what they can do to help. School personnel can be influential in helping a child modify his behavior. Take advantage of any psychological counseling services that may be offered at your child's school or in your community.


Additional Help Resources
American Academy of Pediatrics
Advice on Communicating with Children about Disasters
http://www.aap.org/

American Psychiatric Association
http://www.psyh.org/

American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry
202-966-7300
http://www.aacap.org/

American Psychological Association
202-336-5500
http://www.apa.org/

Center for Mental Health Services (CMHS)
301-443-4735
http://www.mentalhealth.org/

The ChildTrauma Academy
http://www.childtrauma.org/

National Association of School Psychologists
http://www.nasponline.org/

The National Register of Health Service Providers in Psychology
http://www.nationalregister.org/

(Sue Scheff) Report: Depressed teens, marijuana a dangerous mix

WASHINGTON (CNN) -- Teenagers who use marijuana put themselves at higher risks for serious mental health problems, including worsening depression, schizophrenia, anxiety and suicide, according to a new White House report.

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Sue Scheff - ADHD Sympton Checklist

By ADDitude Magazine

Do you have ADD? Use this checklist to understand common ADHD symptoms and test your own behavior before seeking an ADHD diagnosis.

You may have attention deficit disorder (ADD ADHD) if you notice the following symptoms persisting for at least six months to a degree that is maladaptive and immature. If you suspect that you have ADD or ADHD, contact your medical health-care professional...At least six of the following ADHD symptoms often apply:

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Sue Scheff: i-SAFE helps you stay safe online

i-SAFE Inc. is the worldwide leader in Internet safety education. Founded in 1998 and endorsed by the U.S. Congress, i-SAFE is a non-profit foundation dedicated to protecting the online experiences of youth everywhere. i-SAFE incorporates classroom curriculum with dynamic community outreach to empower students, teachers, parents, law enforcement, and concerned adults to make the Internet a safer place. Please join us today in the fight to safeguard our children’s online experience.

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Parents Universal Resource Experts (Sue Scheff) Education.com

http://www.education.com/ is a website that offers parents a wide variety of information for parent from toddlers to teens!

Check it out and learn more about parenting your individual child.

The Teens Years (13-18)
The Middle Years (6-12)
The Early Years (3-5)

What is education.com?

Education.com is an online resource for parents with kids in preschool through grade 12.On our site you can:

Search over 4,000 reference articles from the best and most authoritative sources across the web. From the NYU Child Study Center to the Autism Society of America, Reading is Fundamental to Stanford University School of Education, our Reference Desk brings the best information from the most trusted universities, professional associations, non-profit institutes, and government agencies together in one place.

Browse our online magazine for hundreds of ideas that take learning beyond the classroom and into your family’s everyday life. We cover topics across the parental spectrum-- from practicing fractions by baking cookies, to how to deal with ADHD, bullying, to navigating the parent-teacher conference.

Explore virtual neighborhoods where parents with similar interests or challenges connect to trade advice and share their experiences with one another—whether it’s about dyslexia or dioramas.

Sue Scheff - The Cyber Savvy Show - Erika-Marie Geiss

What a fantastic show to promote Cyber-Safety. Last night I had the opportunity to be interviewed with Erika-Marie Geiss. It was a great introduction to my book - Wit's End! - although we wanted to do more on Cyber Safety, time ran out! But don't miss next Wednesday night when the CEO of Reputation Defender, Michael Fertik, will be her guest. A must for all parents concerned about their children's safety online.

Click here to listen.

Sue Scheff: Kids Try Different Products for Legal High

KTVZ of Central Oregon posted Part Two of a special report, "Teens and Legal Highs". This article seeks to inform parents about the prevalence of inhalant abuse in youth.

A School Resource Officer interviewed said that computer duster is a particularly popular inhalant.

One teenager that the interviewer spoke with says his peers "take the nozzle of that dust off stuff, put it in their mouth, and spray. Your lungs can collapse. Teens also do that with hairspray you put a towel over it. I saw it on TV."

YouTube is also mentioned, as many students are able to find videos of their peers huffing and laughing, without showing any of the negative side effects.

Other legal highs are explored, such as eating nutmeg and poppy seeds. One woman, after losing her poppy plant, said that she "wondered where did my plant go? I realized kids took it to get high. I bet they didn't get high from it, but I miss my plant."

I see this as another argument against restriction of inhalants in retail stores - it's clear that kids aren't looking for a specific product, but for anything to get the high sensation. If one product is banned, next week it will be another popular 'drug' that kids ingest. Should nutmeg be kept locked in cabinets? Should poppy seed products only be sold to adults with valid ID?

Perhaps the focus should be on why youths are so intent on getting high by any means possible. Is it a form of escape? Is peer pressure so overwhelming? Is it just juvenile experimentation? Boredom?

www.inhalant.org

www.helpyourteens.com

www.witsendbook.com

Sue Scheff: Parent Connect - Online Program Allows Parents to Tracks Kids' Grades Step by Step

A new online program called Parent Connect allows parents to check their children's grades step by step — long before a report card is printed.

But is the technological advance an ace for students and teachers or a hindrance that allows helicopter parents to hover?

Visit http://www.parentconnect.com/ or for more on Good Morning America's Show click here.

http://www.helpyourteens.com/

http://www.witsendbook.com/

Sue Scheff: Teens Flunk Personal Finance by Connect with Kids

“It’s easy for these students to get the credit, go and buy a stereo, go and buy a television, go buy all this stuff that they want, and then all of sudden, they’re in a lot of debt.”

– Carol Pizza, economics teacher

Teenagers in the U.S. spend more than $150 billion a year, according to Teenage Research Unlimited (TRU), an organization that tracks teenage consumer behavior and attitudes. Yet, how much do teens today understand about basic finances such as saving, investing and borrowing? Not much, according to a new national survey.

In the survey, teens were asked several questions about money, including: If you lose your credit card, what’s your liability? Here’s how some high school students answered:

”One thousand dollars,” Blake guesses -- incorrectly.

”Five hundred dollars,” guesses David. Wrong again.

But Lauren answers correctly: “Fifty dollars.”

Next question: where will money grow the most over 18 years?

Lauren asks, “Savings account?”

Denise agrees: “Savings account.”

They are both wrong; Kelly gets it right: “Stocks.”

In a recent national survey, more than 6,000 12TH graders were tested, and they answered more than half of the questions incorrectly. College students also took the test this year, and they answered 38 percent of the questions incorrectly. Experts say that what teens don’t know about money can hurt them.

Carol Pizza, an economics teacher, explains, “It’s easy for these students to get the credit, go and buy a stereo, go and buy a television, go buy all this stuff that they want, and then all of sudden, they’re in a lot of debt.”

Pizza says parents can teach their kids about debt, bills and balancing a budget by giving them hands-on experience with the family finances.

“They need to encourage their child to help them with their bank statement every month, reconciling their checking account. Just let them be more involved; let your child know more about your finances, know how much your mortgage is a month.”

Pizza also suggests giving teens a credit card, but with strict spending limits, so they learn how easy and painless credit cards can be -- until they get the bill.

“We’re getting to the point where we’re almost in college and we’re going to be getting our credit cards,” says David, a high school student, “and if you get into a lot of debt then your parents are going to have to pay and you’re going have to pay, too, and it’s not going to be a good situation.”

Tips for Parents

Several factors, including the media, peers and personal successes and failures, influence children’s attitudes about work, money, spending and saving. But according to the National Council on Economic Education, parents exert the most influence on children’s ability to make sound financial decisions. Children need to see their parents practice sound money management – saving, budgeting and making rational (instead of impulsive) decisions about purchases. The Americans for Consumer Education and Competition suggests the following tips to help improve your child’s financial fitness:

Start financial education early by giving your child a weekly allowance.

Discuss the difference between “must have” purchases, such as school supplies, and “would like to have” purchases, such as a new video game.

Discuss family financial matters (family budget, routine shopping, purchase of a new car or home, planning a vacation, paying for college, etc.) with your child.

Discuss with your child his or her options when he or she receives a monetary gift (saving, investing, giving to charity, etc.).

Incorporate the media (newspaper articles, television, etc.) as a tool to educate your child about financial matters.

Work with your teen to develop a realistic budget. Set long- and short-term financial goals and the plans for achieving them.

Explain the advantages of waiting to make a purchase today, such as the latest gaming system, to save for another desired item, like a car or college education, tomorrow.

Promote shopping around before making purchases. This step generally assures a better deal and discourages impulse buying.

Use financial (checking account, credit card, etc.) statement reviews as a teaching aid to evaluate spending habits, promote sound financial practices and to instill fraud review practices.
Stress the importance of safeguarding personal and financial data, such as Social Security, personal identification (PIN) numbers and credit card information, as a means of preventing frauds like identity theft.

Foster charitable giving by urging your teen to donate some percentage of his/her allowance, however small, to the organization(s) of his or her choice.

References
The Americans for Consumer Education and Competition
National Council on Economic Education

Sue Scheff - Connect with Kids - Acting White

By Connect with Kids

“If you dress too proper, with your shirt tucked in and stuff, they’ll probably say you act too white.”

– student Diijon Dacosta, 20

For many American teenagers, one of the ways to be unpopular in high school is to be an “A” student. In fact, in some schools, doing your homework every day, studying hard and getting good grades has a controversial label. Some call it, “acting white.”
Lindsay, 15, knows the pressure to be cool. “If you’re really smart, they might think of you as a nerd or something,” she says.

Will they say you’re a nerd, a dork, a bookworm …or acting white?

“If you dress too proper, with your shirt tucked in and stuff, they’ll probably say you act too white,” says 20-year-old Diijon Dacosta.

Researchers at Vanderbilt University surveyed 166 middle and high school students from both the inner city and the suburbs. The students said that “acting white” often meant “getting good grades, joining clubs, being a leader.”

Students also talked about “acting black.”

“That would include … not studying, not doing homework, not joining various honor societies or other school projects. I think it is all part of that identity,” says Don Rice, Ph.D., psychologist.

He says that one problem is the culture doesn’t celebrate African Americans who are well educated or well spoken.

“Very seldom does one think of a black kid as being smart or geeky in that sense, and they’re not getting the messages through television, they’re not getting the messages through movies,” says Rice.

Rice adds that the media help set expectations in a child’s mind, and low expectations can lead to low performance.

"They don't really see the opportunities, they don't see how sitting down and learning algebra can lead to something that would be a better life,” explains Rice.

"It's easier to just say forget about it and forget your school work than it is to actually go through with the whole process and do good in school,” says Omyrie, 16.

Still, experts say that inside all children, there is a desire to learn and achieve.

"It’s a matter of finding what it is these kids want out of life and to show them how to get it,” says Rice.

Tips for Parents

“Children can't achieve unless we raise their expectations and turn off the television sets, and eradicate the slander that says a black youth with a book is ‘acting white.’" (Sen. Barack Obama)
“Education starts at home. Teach your children the benefits of a good education -- have them visit college campuses, talk to professionals in your neighborhood, and get involved in clubs and activities at school.” (Don Rice, Ph.D., professor of psychology)

“It’s not measures of popularity or social success that predict achievement in college or the business world, but academic achievement itself that is the best predictor.” (Marla Shapiro, licensed psychologist)

“Part of the achievement gap, particularly for gifted black students, is due to the poor image these students have of themselves as learners,” says Donna Ford, professor of special education and Betts Chair of Education and Human Development at Vanderbilt University’s Peabody College, and author of the study on “acting white and acting black.” “Our research shows that prevention and intervention programs that focus on improving students’ achievement ethic and self-image are essential to closing the achievement gap.”

References
Fryer and Torelli, National Bureau of Economic Research: An Empirical Analysis of “Acting White’”
The Century Foundation: Equality and Education
Vanderbilt University’s News Network

Parents Universal Resource Experts (Sue Scheff) 12 Parenting Strategies That Work for ADD Kids

By ADDitude Magazine www.additudemag.com

12 Parenting Strategies That Work for ADD Kids

A dozen ways to be a better parent to your ADD child.

Most parents are good parents. But if your son or daughter has attention deficit disorder (ADD ADHD), "good" may not be enough. To ensure that your child is happy and well-adjusted now and in the future—and to create a tranquil home environment—you've got to be a great parent.

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